Be good.

I have a few thoughts that are entirely too long for a facebook status update, so you get a blog post. Lucky you.

I'll try to keep it short and to the point because the long ranting version in my head keeps getting me off track and that's just not good for anyone.

My brother's birthday is in 1 week.  I find it very appropriate that he was born in the midst of the holiday season and every year since he passed away, I've tried in some way to honor him. Patrick was a kind soul who hated that people had to go hungry. No matter how a person became homeless or in need, it bothered him and he wanted to help. He'd give his leftovers to a beggar on the street. He'd give his last dollar to a friend in need. Whether it helped or not, he still was there with a helping hand.

And so, since we are already supposed to be sensitive this time of year, I am realizing that my brother's birthday plopped right in the thick of it, is helping me be a kinder person. 

If not for Christmas, then for him. 

I am remembering to be gracious for what I have, even in the eye of loss and sadness. I am remembering to not make snap judgements. I am trying to pass on a little bit of kindness. I don't know if the spare change I give does anything at all, but what if does? Isn't that enough? That was my brother's philosophy and since he's not here, I'm going to try my hardest to keep it going. 

This year, my sign of honor is a silly red stripe of hair tucked back so really no one can see it. That wasn't the point anyway. I brush or dry my hair and a few strands of red peak out and it's a great reminder to keep my spirits up and to try to keep Patrick's spirit of kindness on my mind.

Happy Birthday to my brother. 1<3

   

Well it was bound to happen...

Like most things in my life, blogging took a major backseat over the past few months. I'll spare you all a long drawn out recap and instead start fresh (ish).

Harrison is 10 months old today and thinking back to this time last year has given me a renewed outlook on blogging. I believe my last post was complaining (with unnecessary bad words) about a song. A flippin' song. Since then I really haven't wanted to write. I would start to form a topic to write about and inevitably it would turn into a massive rant that no one wants to hear.  Especially since I started this blog when I was pregnant. Complaints about the midwives or having to pee too much are definitely more entertaining than me calling everyone who has a different political view a dummy.

So I'm back. For now. And my original plan last year was to share my little life with whoever cared to read about it... Along with tons of photos...
If you do choose to read this please let me know! Follow me or comment or for goodness sake just 'like' the damn link on my facebook page. Otherwise I feel like I'm just writing into the abyss. The sad sad abyss.

And now for the photos...

Saturday night my hubs took me out to dinner with our nearest and dearest while the little man stayed with Gramma and Grampa. We went to Venable in Carrboro and I loved it. We rarely take decent photos and I don't like my haircut, so this was the best we could do.

The Skipper and I take even less decent photos, so I chose the one I looked the best in. Cause that's just what you do. (Sorry Skip.) Steel String Brewery was quite nice. And since we don't smoke we had the whole inside to ourselves, haha.

Sunday was my actual birthday... Now, last year I had a delicious cake at Sermets that Ceylan had made especially for moi. I was huge and uncomfortable but I had a wonderful dinner with my family and a delicious cake. This year, my celebration lasted an extra day since I was able to go out and have a few cocktails, but I ended up with this thing... Yes, that is a votive candle. Sad.

The past 2 weeks I have tie dyed just about anything I can get my hands on. 8-10 onesies and a few extra white shirts that were lying around have now been tied and dyed into awesomeness. Harrison is only keeping 2 or 3 but there are many more in his future...

We have now entered the stage where he's pulling up on EVERYTHING. I so badly wanted this child to crawl and roll over. Now I just want him to SIT STILL FOR 2 SECONDS. Or not go directly to whatever object is the most dangerous thing he could possibly reach. Or let me use the bathroom without attempting to scale the door/cabinet/every piece of furniture in the house. 

We've even had to lower his crib to the lowest little notch since I'm terrified he will flip on out one day. He's not even phased...

Ok folks, that's all for now. I'm off to work on some party ideas since the little monster man is going to be a year old before I know it. I hope to write again soon and to keep up now that I feel a bit inspired.

Show me some love and enjoy the photos!

Blah blah blah

I can't think of a good title for this post since it's a big load of nothing really.  Just some random thoughts as I watch The Bachelor... Which is the perfect show for multi-tasking.

First of all, I've rejoined the Twitter world.
Why? Who knows... I like the idea... However I have like 12 followers right now, so I feel like I'm just creepily stalking/trying to be a part of the famous people's lives I'm following.

Second of all, I need to start reading again.
The night before I went to the hospital to be induced I bought some books on my kindle... Completely underprepared for the whole 3 day labor + having an actual infant, I figured I could get in some good ol' reading.  6 months later, the books are still unread and I'm struggling to remember the massive list of novels I've been waiting to read. I have acquired library cards to 3 public libraries in the area and have only managed to check out and read a few children's books. My new favorite author may be Sandra Boynton.

Third of all, it's time to find some other mommies.
In Michigan I was introduced to the club world. My amazing friend Nina was a great organizer... She hosted many a wine club, book club, scrapbooking party, what have you. Now that we live in completely different states, I do not have the luxury of my own personal activity planner, so I started googling today... And emailing Nina...
I signed up for 3 sessions of MOM classes through UNC, which say they are for newborn to 6 months, but I think they'll let me slide (Harrison will be 7 months by the next open class). There's a Mothers Club that is meeting tomorrow at Open Eye, so we'll head over for some coffee and check it out. And the Chatham Library has a Toddler Story Time twice a week to mix things up.

What I *really* want is a group of other stay at home moms with children around the same age as mine to go on walks with/let our babies stare at each other. I have reservations about all 3 choices, but I'm going to try to have an open mind and hope for the best.

I suspect I will hate the MOM class since I pretty much think the UNC midwives are all torturous, "woman in a man's world" super bitches who will probably demean me for wanting an epidural and not breastfeeding until age 2... But, maybe things have changed since September...

And I am super curious about the Mothers Club and the Story Time. Am I going to encounter crunchy moms and kids with names like Lyric or Rainbow? Is this library at all like Ann Arbor's where parents are oblivious of the world and think shoes are optional in public places?
Oh the possibilities!

Insanity.

I'm not sure if everyone experiences getting things stuck in their head as frequently as I do, but maybe blogging about it will help me get this goddamn song out of my head.

Oh, be prepared for a slew of bad words. Sorry mom.

It's pretty standard for me to get songs stuck in my head. I can usually kill it by obsessively listening to the song over and over until the first note/word/thought of the song makes me snarl and I can never listen to it again.
Unfortunately this has not worked. Yet.
There are few things more annoying than having one small tidbit on constant loop in your head at 2am when all you want to do is sleep. So maybe I can pass this along to one of the 3 people that read this blog and you can suffer along with me.

I heard a song on Pandora a few weeks ago and did not realize it had nestled somewhere in the deep recesses of my subconscience until last night.
I did not know this song. It snuck up on my Beatles playlist (of all things) and I must've heard it a few times without realizing the horrifying effects until it was way too late. I didn't pay attention to the artist, name of the song, or really any of the lyrics. I concentrated so hard last week trying to recall whateverthehellthatguyissaying and googled... looked on the local top40 station's website... hummed to Eric... ("you know, the song that goes-- 'woohooo woohooo') no such luck. The song never reemerged on Pandora either.
Fabulous.
A day went by and it left. One blissful day and night and I had all but forgot.

Then Eric asked... innocently, "Did you ever find out what song that was?"

Son of a bitch.

It was back.
I agonized. Decided I was doomed until...
 FINALLY it came back on Pandora while I was feeding the little man 2 days ago.
"AHHHHH!" I yelled. "THE SONG!"
I texted Eric the name and artist.
YESSSSSS!!!! This eye-crossing annoying game was over. I knew the song, I downloaded it on itunes and proceeded to murder it. Playing it over and over, singing it to Harrison, beating the everliving shit out of this song until it unlatched itself from my brain and left me in peace.

Welp...
No such fucking luck.

Last night... It snuck in again. And again and again and again.

So today as I play with the little dude and get the crock pot up and running, I am listening to my "Baby Dean" playlist. Filled with the trusty tunes of Van, George, Dead, etc. I am purposefully invoking the memories of childbirth with "Moon Dance" in order to get that piece of shit song out of my head forever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.

And so finally, I will leave you with the evilest song in the universe. Be warned, it is sneaky.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tMKO_9SD1Y

Pinterest-ing

We've been in our house for about a year and a half now, so we finally started working on our photo wall in the bedroom. Until yesterday, the artwork was sparse and we have not decided if we really want the headboard/footboard that matches the furniture yet, so it was time to do something with the big empty space.

My inspiration--

I really like the W and the small round iron work, so I'm on the look out for a few things like that. In the meantime, here's what we have--

(Harrison was a little worn out from our project...)

Intentionally spaced farther apart than the inspiration photo to allow for additional photos and artwork. I ordered a couple of prints today of Harold and family shots, etc. So more updates soon.

Until then, here are the close ups for those interested--

Given to me by the amazing Sermet Aslan on my 30th birthday... As I was massively pregnant and extremely hormonal, my family-- Boynton's and Dew's-- took me out to Sermet's for dinner. Sermet's daughters were wonderful-- Ceylan delivered my favorite cake and Megan waited on us hand and foot, and we laughed, cried and really had a blast celebrating. It is a birthday I'll never forget and so this owl is very special to have on our wall.

And now photos of photos.. A talent I do not posses...

Backyard wedding at the Boynton's- 

Eric, Nate, Jeremy, Nick and the Rev. Matt Ryan.

More wedding photos by Nichole.

Eric and I jumped in the pool in full wedding attire-- Pat took the time to take off his nice shirt :)

And the Dean's-- I have this same photo in another room, so one may swap out.

Family Photo by Pat Dew

Eric was not aware he'd be included, but still quite a nice pic of us.

Mommy + Monster <3

Eric and I cutting the cake and our Erie, PA invitation

Mommy + Monster again :-)

The last one I cannot get a good shot of, but is our exit with sparklers at the wedding... Another that may change once the new pics get here.

So still some work to be done, but a great start. These photos and the owl are so special to us, it's great to finally have them displayed!

Oh and I almost forgot--- This one will definitely be up soon too!

Pop + Monster

Buttermilk

Getting a little more adventurous in the kitchen will inevitably lead to random ingredients left over. After making the delicious scones last weekend, I had a jug of buttermilk that was certainly going to curdle in the fridge so I set out to find ways to use the rest...

I already had my pork tenderloin and roasted veggies ready to cook last night when I stumbled across a recipe for dessert that I amazingly had all of the ingredients for! Smitten Kitchen has joined the ranks of my go-to recipe sites (I was pretty much a foodnetwork.com girl until recently) and since a few of my friends love her stuff, I gave this one a whirl.

Best Birthday Cake - Smitten Kitchen

I figured this would be yummy with a basic buttercream icing... Add some food coloring and you've turned a birthday cake into a pink Valentine cake!

Ok so I had almost all of the ingredients... My cake making skills pretty much start with a pre-made box normally, because.. well, why the hell not. So "cake flour" is not something I have on hand. Thankfully my other newly found site (Joythebaker.com) had a quick fix. Joy suggested subbing cornstarch with All Purpose Flour to lighten it up and make it suitable for your cake adventures.

Cake Flour- Joy the Baker

So I sifted and sifted to aerate my cake flour and soon enough all of my ingredients were good to go. I was a little concerned with how very thick the batter was, so I splashed a few extra tbsp of buttermilk, hoping it would help.

And while my completely homemade cake baked away, the monster and I took a little break.

Harrison's newest "thing" is to half roll over from his back. Normally to see the dog or something else interesting going on behind him. Nothing has really happened yet, but we are loving seeing his little chin/neck, haha.

 Well about 30 minutes later the cake was baked and later that afternoon, it was iced and ready. Annie stopped by with some really awesome Valentine's Day gifts for us, so we cut it and I sent her home with a fourth... Turns out I should have sent her home with WAY more than that, because this cake is very dense.

Not the best icing job, but that's ok. I like the flavor of the cake, but man is is a lot. Eric cut a large piece last night and even after I took a handful of bites, we threw out most of it. If you cut it razor thin, it may be better. I guess this is what buttermilk and 2 sticks of butter get ya...

No photos of my dinner creation from last night, but I did receive some beautiful roses from my husband.

I was left with 2 cups of buttermilk in the carton, so I found something to try for tonight!

Buttermilk Roast Chicken - Smitten Kitchen

Harrison and I went straight to the kitchen this morning to whip up the marinade and get the chicken thighs in the fridge. 

Raw chicken grosses the bejesus out of me. Normally when I cook chicken, I cannot eat it. I have even had issues with pre-cooked chicken (like those rotisserie ones that I use for chicken salad and such). Not sure where this strange aversion came from, but Eric normally cooks when it's chicken. This morning, in order to curb the disgust, I was barely finished with my 1st cup of coffee and I did not actually touch any of the raw chicken. But just typing this made me gag a little, so Eric may be eating a lot of roasted chicken thighs tonight.

The marinade looks promising... Buttermilk, garlic and paprika with a little salt, pepper and sugar. It is all mixed up and chilling the rest of the day. Thankfully I have some green beans and yummy Annie's Mac & Cheese to make too, so I will not be stuck eating cereal if this chicken mess pans out the way it normally does. 

Adventures in buttermilk to be continued...

A day in the life...

I have had some sort of job since I was 16, so this new phase of my life as a stay-at-home-mom has been an adjustment. I could not wait to quit working over the summer as my belly swelled and the heat made being pregnant unbearable. I had about 2 weeks at home before Harrison made his debut and I filled my days with chores around the house, trips to Target and rest.
Over the past 5 months, I have worked on making this new career fulfilling. I know a lot of moms have a hard time with this... I have heard and read countless times about not having enough "me" time, feeling overwhelmed keeping up with the house and children, feeling under stimulated, etc. I'm not going to lie, I've have my bouts in one way or another with these issues too (talking to an infant doesn't exactly get your brain juices flowing), but these issues (thankfully) were/are fleeting in my case.

I have also realized how lucky I am to get to stay home and raise our son. And while not every day is the best day ever, most days are pretty awesome.

This past weekend Max brought Benji over for a play date. I took a risk and made scones for the very first time and beside the fact that my oven inexplicably smokes like a chimney, they turned out perfectly.

Orange and chocolate scones -- recipe from Joy the Baker. 

So delicious, we ate them all.

And while we caught up on life and vented about well, everything, the little guys hung out together. Harold tried desperately to be included in each diaper change, snack, tumble and photo. 

I was hoping Harrison would try to mimic Benji's awesome rolling skills, but no dice. 

(His singular roll was caught on video about 2 months ago and apparently he has decided no further demonstrations are required.)

Tummy time!

Harrison (5mo) and Benji (8mo)

Trying to get them to laugh/smile at the same time-- Harrison thought he should just make buzzing noises while Benji cracked up.

I swear they both smiled the second before the camera snapped... Difficult little munchkins... :-)

Every day is filled with surprises- some more significant than others of course. Another 1st holiday for our little family this week has sparked an attempt at craftiness... Which the monster man was surprisingly unhappy with.

While I am super proud of our project, I was only able to properly stamp the little baby feet a handful of times. He screamed as if I was stabbing him or something equally mean... So only the Grandparents and Aunt/Uncles will receive these this year.

Now on to this knitting nonsense...

A brief moment

Anyone who has children will understand that blogging, like everything you did before your child arrived, certainly takes a back seat. However, after reading Lucy's adventures, I got inspired to jot down a few tidbits for anyone who is interested.
Instead of trying to wrap up the past 5 months/whenever I last blogged, I figured I would make this a true blog... Ramblings of my current state with a few nostalgic lines thrown in for good measure.

Harrison is 5 months old now and is totally the love of my life. It wasn't as immediate as I've heard it can be... He was kind of a blob to me for the first few weeks and with all of the hormones and sleep deprivation, my complete infatuation was a bit stilted.  I am not one of those moms that thinks their child is perfect, but I now fully understand this intense parental bond. I love this little man with an unfailing fierceness I never could have imagined and it is quite amazing.

Eric and I both comment on how long it feels like he's been here. We reminisced about the first months of trading sleep throughout the night, how tiny he was and how we never ever thought we'd get here. Now his cries do not stab me with fear (as he currently whines in his crib, determined to fight off the nap he knows he needs...), driving in the car doesn't cause irrational freak outs (even though we did get stuck on an icy stretch of mountain highway for 2 hours this weekend without any back up bottles...) and we sleep like normal people (instead of Eric on the couch or me on the floor in the nursery). 
I think Eric will agree that we know we don't have this parenting thing in the bag, but it is amazing how much more confident we are and how (sometimes) easier things become after those bleary eyed panicky first months.

I feel like we are finding our groove, mostly just to expect the unexpected, and now it's time to venture out a bit. Harrison and I go on little outings, he happens to love the grocery store, and I guess I am going to start a hobby. I am really enjoying being a stay-at-home-mom, but I definitely need a little something for me. Since I am not crafty (as previous posts have confirmed), but am already in a knitting group though I do not knit, I am going to give it a fair shot this time.  I do not expect this to be entirely fun, but it'll at least be challenging, have nothing to do with my child and be something just for me... which I've learned is very important. 

And now a few shots from our impromptu photo session over the holidays. We celebrated Betsy's 30th birthday while in Charleston. Pat and Abbi were kind enough to set up a mini photo shoot and capture me and my little monster so perfectly. Eric was unaware he'd be in any of these, but our amazing photographers still made us look beautiful (unshaven and all).