The first time I was accused of being a bad mom was about 2 months in to my new role as a mother. For reasons I can only blame on genetics (sorry mom.) I was having a hard time breast feeding. My son was hungry constantly. For the sake of a short blog, I'll skip all of the hairy details, but at about 7 weeks, I decided to try supplementing. My pediatrician agreed. My mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother were supportive, shared their own struggles and made me feel like I was indeed making the right decision.
My friends did not.
I shared my struggles with them and was out right told that I was lazy.
The second time I was accused of being a bad mom was when my husband and I decided to not quit bottle feeding cold turkey. At 1 year, my son had just cut his first set of teeth and we were struggling with introducing new foods and textures, poor kid wouldn't even try his 1st birthday cake.
Once again, our pediatrician, my mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, friends of my parents, husband, (you get the picture) agreed. Once again, my friends did not.
Now, I'm not writing this blog to just bitch about my friends... Lord knows we all have our judgements. I am not claiming that I have never thought poorly of a friends' decision when it came to bedtime routine, feeding options, etc. I have just hung on to a little resentment over being such a "bad mom" and figured my journey into a non-judgmental role should be shared.
About 2 months ago, I was invited to a friend's baby shower. I went not really knowing what to expect. Would people be fighting over advice to this new mom? Would snide comments about whether or not to have a natural birth/c-section/meds start the second I walked into the door? Would every woman there have extreme opinions to overly share (like a lot of my own friends did to me?)
What I found was a group of about 20 women who shocked me.
These women fell on every inch of the spectrum of parenting. From co-sleeping to breastfeeding, I heard of every differing experience you could imagine.
What I did not hear was anyone being accused of being a bad mom.
I heard the sharing of stories. I heard support. I heard a conversation.
I saw people listening to differing experiences. I saw tears of joy and arm rubs of support.
I saw women. Not judging. No pontificating the "right way" to labor/birth/parent a child.
I was shocked.
I left the shower with a new sense of self. A new sense of motherhood. A new sense of womanhood.
I have read countless articles about mother's sticking together. Building each other up and supporting individual decisions, struggles and choices no matter how different from your own. I have begun to look at mothers I once judged in a whole new light. I have tried to hold my tongue, tried to remember that everyone is different.
I am surprised by how many mothers out there feel like they have all the right answers and insist on telling the world about it constantly.
All I know... all that I am certain of, is that motherhood is the most challenging, beautiful, humbling experience of my life. It has made me look at everything in a different way. I never EVER use this phrase (and keep my judgements about it to myself, thank you) but... I am truly blessed. And whether or not you think I'm a good mom, I know for damn sure, I at least try. I am not lazy, I am no more wrong than I am right.
To those of you who are so right about everything, good for you. I'm happy for you.
But, I'll be over here with the rest of the real women who struggle with decisions, google/webmd every sneeze and whine, constantly pray that my child will continue to be happy and healthy and thank my lucky stars that I do not have to do this alone.
