And we're breathing...

As you can probably tell, I am a bit of a nut. Not only have I admitted to this a few times on this very blog, but I think frequently declaring my nuttiness may help me contain it sometimes too. This particular quality of mine has of course been exaggerated during pregnancy. My lack of patience and my general anxiety over things that don't really matter have caused tears more often than not instead of real action to solve the issues.
Until yesterday. (I'm rolling my eyes at myself right now because I know my husband is going to love this.)

So what happened was...

I had the whole day off except for hosting trivia in Pittsboro for the last time. I did laundry, cleaned up, watched Private Practice on Netflix (dear god am I addicted) and just could not shake this uneasiness. My blood pressure seemed to be higher than normal and I was just plain anxious. Eric worked from home, so around 5pm he lumbered down the stairs and asked what I was up to. Then came the normal verbal explosion accompanied by tears, of course. After the ramblings it was determined that I was really worried about work. I have had 2 interviews recently for part-time jobs...

The 1st at the library where I admitted to being pregnant and was told that they went with someone with a more flexible schedule (i.e. someone who is not going to pee every 5 seconds and leave in August). The 2nd at a bank. This is a whole other story, but the basic run down-- #1--The branch manager came into the brewery for lunch the day of my interview and her lunch date asked us if our burgers had pink slime/she was hoping to spy on me, #2-- One of her 1st questions was "you got kids?"... so many things wrong with this one... and #3-- she explained that she was a little too laid back as a manager until she gets in trouble, then she passes the buck to the rest of the employees. WHAT?!?

Needless to say, my quest for a nice quiet part-time summer job didn't play out like I thought it would. I had briefly asked my boss awhile ago if I could just stop managing and host during the week, but hadn't heard back and now with these 2 failed prospects, I was freaking out. Nut.
So through the tears and ramblings, Eric explains that hosting would be perfect... a few little shifts every week to keep myself busy and bring in a few extra dollars every month to ease the pain of me not working once the baby comes, and that I should just email my boss again. Simple as that. So, I did. And he responded like an hour later.
All of that worry over something that was so simply fixed. Moral of the story, maybe driving my husband nuts with my nuttiness will cause me to realize what is worth worrying over and what isn't.. right??

Ok off to fully enjoy this day off... Thunderstorms, more little house projects and probably more Private Practice too.. But NO anxiety. Dammit.

Exhaustion.

As I've been told, exhaustion is totally normal. But somehow hearing that this is normal makes me want to occasionally smack someone. And it very well may be to get my body and my mind ready for what will be extreme exhaustion come baby time, but for now, it's just plain annoying.
Falling asleep was easy the last couple of months, but now that I need to lay on my side, surrounded by pillows, a vast array of items (water, chap stick, kleenex) within arms reach, and subzero temperatures, it is... difficult. Once I am asleep, it's not terrible, but the discomfort is coupled with some creeping anxiety too. I've talked with my mom a lot about the whole internal struggle of this whole situation, which she understands a lot, but that's still not helping me sleep. Dammit.
So this morning I sucked it up and called the Women's Health center that my mid-wife referred me to. Apparently there is a therapist/women's doctor that specializes in counseling while pregnant and postpartum, so I'm going to make an appointment. Who knows, maybe she can teach me a good way to deal with anxiety over this totally new and crazy experience. I also think that after baby comes, I want to not freak the hell out every 10 minutes if I can help it. So we'll see how it goes... The next few weeks are going to be tough too, so taking some steps towards normalcy sounds like a decent idea.
On a happy baby note, the baby is kicking quite a bit now. Eric was able to feel him a lot last night and I think the bbq I just had for lunch is making him river dance again.  According to the ultrasound last week, the baby is right up against my stomach and the placenta is behind him, so the kicks are only going to get stronger and more frequent. Hopefully not at night.
Max's baby party went very well. Sarabeth caught the stomach bug, but we still pulled it off. I have pictures on my real camera, but for now here is one from the end of the party... The baby kicking up a storm and bewildered onlookers...

Counting to 10

This has become my new favorite strategy to save myself from biting someone's head off or just plain strangling them. Since I have to work in public and manage people, I think counting is definitely the better option.
Also, I am thinking that this is all just getting me ready for the incredible amount of patience I will have to have in about 4 months. So when one of my servers walks slowly to grab their food, messes up an order, or just annoys the bajesus out of me, I simply close my eyes and count to ten. It helps that I will not be managing anymore in a matter of weeks too.

On the baby front, things are going pretty great. I'm still having my moments but I am a lot less stressed now.  We had the anatomy check ultrasound on Monday.  Eric was able to come with me for this one too. And in a nutshell, everything is perfect! All the measurements are right on track, no extra tests or anything needed and it is definitely a boy:) I have been worried that she got it wrong since everything I read said there was no way you could tell at 14 weeks... but she was! We got one freaky 3D photo, since he did not want to turn the right way, and he looked kinda alien-ish. The more normal photos are awesome though.
I am starting to feel flutters and kicks... I felt 2 on the outside last night, but the bunny just wouldn't kick for Eric, so we'll have to be patient for that too.

That's really all for now... Sara Beth and I are throwing a baby shower for our friend Max who is due very soon this Sunday. I'm excited to have some of our friends over and celebrate the new Mr. Englund too. I'll be sure to post pictures of our amazing decorating skills.
Oh and there will officially be no more updates on Baby class... We missed the 2nd week and after talking with friends, finally decided that this wasn't the right thing for us. I am enjoying getting all sorts of different perspectives from the various tv shows, so not sure if we'll try something else this summer.
My new birth plan will hopefully align with some chick I just watched... She had an epidural, didn't feel anything, was suddenly fully dilated like an hour earlier than expected and had that baby in one push. Yes... One push. Sign me up.

The Bunny's Room

Yes, I'm a little late, but here are some pictures of the Grandmothers and Eric getting the room ready. We have not progressed any further, so this is still quite current! I keep finding cute ideas for decor on Pinterest and Etsy and I think Mom and I will work on some fabric covered letters to hang over the crib eventually!

 The "before" picture-- Mom covered my multi colored attempts before painting the right shade

                      Mom painting and stressing me out since she didn't wait to tape off the window...

 This kid already has awesome Grandparents... And will probably think I'm a weirdo for bringing him home in a tie-dyed onesie

                                           Annie helping edge the sides

Finished walls... Room setup #1 -- Ended up swapping corners

Proud Papa putting together the crib

Finished product!

Dresser from Grandma A, Lamp from my/my brothers nurseries,

and Patrick's fake aquarium light :)

2nd item off the registry-- making sure they look good with the paint

Apparently I did not iron this one very well... :)

That's it for now... the bunny is kicking a lot, but can't feel it on the outside yet. Stay tuned for another fantastic tale from Prepared Childbirth class after tomorrow night... 

Oh the birthing videos...

Another very full week, but we got a ton of stuff accomplished although I was not so confident we would! The first challenge was painting the bunny's room. After 4 paint samples, I wouldn't have cared if it turned out puke green, but Mom found a pretty color and it works perfectly.

So far we have the room painted, the crib is up and so are the curtains (pictures later today). My insane brain would like for everything to be put together now of course, but then the baby showers wouldn't be as fun!

Speaking of showers, I got to see my beautiful college roommate Adrienne this past weekend. She lives in Indiana and is about 6-ish months pregnant, also with a boy. It was so great to see her, very nostalgic but fun and I am so excited we get to go through this together. Her sister-in-law and mother had everything set up so precious and I teared up with every gift she opened (such a sap). And once again it reminded me of my complete 180 when it comes to showers. 

I was so not into them for our wedding and had one for friends and family at which I was painfully hungover. But since I've been to Adrienne's baby shower and am planning another one for Max, I am getting more and more excited... seriously. I prefer to throw parties and I'm not that excitable, but I guess since you have to wait 9 months, might as well have a few celebrations to get you through it, right?

Now, I usually fill this last bit with the normal goings on of Eric and I, but after last night, I must rant a tad... About the baby class.

I found this "Prepared Childbirth" class through my doctor at UNC and promptly signed us up... ever the overly prepared nutcase... And started to talk myself out of it exactly 3 hours before the class began... ever the unadventurous nutcase.

My understanding (and slightly annoyed) husband told me to suck it up and we trekked down to the hospital last night for 2 1/2 hours of knowledge. Sitting in the room, I was immediately comforted by the other 9 couples which seemed all about our age. And the instructor who was not wearing a Stevie Nicks getup or burning incense in the corner. She looked normal... they looked normal... and I looked a lot less far along (by about 3 months actually... yep, nutcase.) 

But we chatted. We got up to write down our gut reactions to the statement, "Birth is..." to which I responded, "gross" and was completely backed up by the awesomely horrible videos we watched for the last 20 minutes of class. Now, I like to think of myself as a liberal feminist when it comes to just about everything else... But my position on childbirth was certainly solidified during those videos. I am just not that type of woman. 

To the instructor's credit, these were not bad births. Just a few women, all natural, moaning without screaming, walking around, bathing and in general "listening to their bodies" while the husbands rubbed their backs, held them up and even watched the actual birth with extremely odd expressions.  I am sure the women in my class were all a little scared but basically thinking they could handle this. The partners, a little less confident, but determined to stand by their woman.

But once again, I am not like these women. 

I watched these videos like I'd watch an animal on a farm giving birth. Wondering why on earth any woman weak or strong could possibly buy the whole "it's better for you and the baby" excuse and not let the professionals take over! Yes I know, all of you awesomely strong and womanly women are just chomping at the bit to tell me how ridiculous I sound, but I don't care. This is just how I am and am willing to bet each of you something huge that I will not change. Before pregnancy I have always believed in interventions... I have a headache, I take an Advil. Why the hell not?? Who wants to suffer? Same thing here. Pain? No thanks. Epidural? Let's get the party started! 

OK feel free to blast me with your opinions and research. I seriously do read things and am more educated on the subject than you might assume, but this may just be one of those "Oh, that's just Laura" instances that you all love about me! ha!

Now I am off to enjoy my day... And attempt to get the sight of strange women's bush out of my head. Yes, that disturbed me, you crazy people. Maybe you should ask yourself why that didn't bother you!