Oh how things change...

I assumed things would change once I got pregnant, but since it happened when it did, I feel like the last year of change has really been huge.
Last year this time, Eric and I were working on buying our house. Less than a year later, it feels like we've been here forever. Then came the wild ride and trying to balance my crazy emotional state proved to be quite hard at times. I partied a lot and about 3 or 4 times acted like a stupid college kid again... Drinking way too much, saying things I shouldn't and generally acting like a fool. All the while, those closest to me understood my few out of body experiences and I ended up have to apologize to those who didn't. I finally vowed to turn over a new leaf in the new year.
I know, sounds dramatic, considering that there were only a few incidents. But as out of character as this behavior was, I just couldn't help it sometimes.
Someone would say something I didn't agree with or that rubbed me the wrong way and suddenly I snapped, turning into a mean or just stupid person- this was always fueled by alcohol too. I also lost my ability to judge my tolerance (like a college kid) and would again suddenly be way too far gone.
So like I said, this happened a total of 4 times in about 7 or 8 months and the last time was definitely the last time. Funny thing was that I realized this and then days later found out I was pregnant.

Now, I will not pretend that I've been a perfectly nice and appropriate person since that little plus sign showed up about 5 months ago, but it's certainly has change. First of all since I'm not out partying anymore, there are no more sightings of silly drunk Laura. Second of all, the things that bother me are so very different now. I get annoyed at work or with my husband (even though they are both pretty amazing) and I get emotional, but in such a different way. I know I get mad, but not the level of madness as I had before. Maybe I spewed it all out or maybe I just changed. Who knows.
At some point though I finally realized that somethings are just ridiculous to get upset over. Why worry about things I can't control? Or worse, get mad? Getting mad helps no one.
This new state of mind will hopefully continue over the months and years to come. The midwife I saw at my last appointment explained it to me as every emotion I feel transfers to the baby. I don't want a mean baby!

So my final thought is that now, whether the baby is the reason or not, I am trying my hardest to spread the love and stay calm. With the support of my friends and family I have survived things I never could imagine, so here's to change... The good kind...